NEWBORN
There’s a kind of newborn love which is utterly wild to me. The love arrived with my infant, taking up space in my heart I didn’t know was there. I stare at my baby in total adoration. I am enamored with everything about her. The tiny features. The tender nature of how delicate and needy she is, yet how quickly she is growing in size and movements. The coos, squeaks, and grunts. The smiles which are delighted by light and motion.
Even though I already experienced this love for my son when he was born two years ago, a love which has grown with him, still I find myself awestruck over it all over again. What surprises me about this love is how I have no idea who this tiny person is. As my son’s personality has bloomed, I’ve begun to know him more deeply. I know his wants, comforts, fears, and joys. In contrast, my tiny daughter is a complete mystery. Essentially, I’m in love with a stranger. A baby who came from my body and will remain forever in my heart.
It’s a little like the honeymoon phase of couples. Early on, the newness is blindingly beautiful. You’re still getting to know each other, and it’s exciting. You don’t really know them yet feel all mushy gushy around them. They don’t have to do anything special; just hanging out can be enough.
When I hold my baby, I feel butterflies. I stare at her in wonder as she looks around with wide eyes. Often she dreams, either smiling in her sleep or crinkling up her face in concern and letting out a moan which pierces my heart. I put a hand on her tiny chest and murmur, “Shh, it’s okay, mama’s with you my little love.”
I’ve also experienced a new kind of love for my parents and in-laws through seeing their affection for their grandchildren. Having anyone love my children is bliss, yet the love of grandparents is the “pressed down, shaken together, running over” type (a Biblical reference from Luke 6:38 for bountiful good measure). Seeing my parents be utterly delighted with their grandchildren fills me with joy. I also understand their love for me on a deeper level than ever before. It’s easy to take a parent’s love for granted. When I experienced parental love myself, I realized I never before understood just how all-encompassing the feelings are for one’s children. Seeing love run down through another generation feels complete.
This newborn love is magical. What a gift to have it take me by surprise all over again.
